Extra-ordinary

Luke Leslie Friday 6th July 2007

I met an interesting character on the set of Tudors, no it wasn't Natalie Dormer (FOX), or Rys Myers who was actually very chatty and funny "the kings bored, (he announced) the king wants to go home, eat some pizza and smoke a joint", so no I'm not referring to either of those, nor Sam Neil (whom I wanted to meet most) I was informed Cardinal Wolsey had already been killed off, a shame as I wanted to ask Sam (Alan Grant of Jurassic Park) if he remembered my grandmother Agnes Bernelle from a film they'd both been in 20 years ago. So without any further procrastination, I do not refer to any aforementioned personage, but instead to a fellow extra, a man who I belive called himself Ricardo, am I glad we neglected to exchange surnames, for if he reads this, I know I will not survive the night...

This man let me in on the secret that he was "Very Famous" much like Aidan Walsh. Apparently he hadn't done extra work for years, (apart from the Republic of Loose video, which I don't think counts, but I'll get to that later). You have to understand that when they place you in a scene, you can't up and go, you can't avoid the guy, you beside him all day except for a few 10 min breaks, and your one hour lunch break, thank god for Caoimhe the only person I happened to know there. I think he saw her as a threat so thankfully much of the time I was chatting to her, I noticed him avoiding me. Do I seem a bit Harsh? Do read on...

I'm not exaggerating when I say this man had the desperate look of a murderer in his eyes, coupled with a gritted smile that would bite through steal. He'd stare at me for long periods of our 15 hour day, when we'd be doing miming as the crew recorded sync dialogue, he'd stare, gritting his teeth, and I'd try to smile... but inside... I felt like calling the mental police.

I've a bad track record for letting people latch onto me, people I find irritating, and letting them follow me, invite them selves over and piss me off 24-7.. I've let it slide in the past, but eventually the annoyance becomes so ridiculous you explode one way or another. I've felt bad about it since I delt with the last case so badly, so I've consciously decided to deal with things differently in future. This time, once I realized this man would be my tail for the remainder of the day, I opted to be mean to him... better that then lead him to believe he's my new best friend right?

At one stage I walked off to the extras prefab, to get a drink, he was talking to someone else who he promptly ditched to follow me, "are ya getting a coffee?" he shouted, I said "No, I don't drink coffee" so I continued into the room, poured a water then made my way to the door, at which time he was hurriedly pouring his coffee (I believe he had at-least 4 during the course of the day) as I left the room, he shouted "wait wait!" pouring coffee from the machine all over his hand... I'm sure it hurt, but I wasn't stopping.

Now this man, was 30 or so, and was at one time smugly telling me and 2 other extras, both girls about a women, a "Goooooorgeous woman" whom he fucked the other day in the upstairs of Bewleys (which I believe has been out of business for at-least 2 years now) he'd met her on the set of "The most fertile man in Ireland" and the director apparently didn't mind that they were holding hands all through the scene they were in. (Which presumably meant they were in the background, and therefore extras) he pontificated various statements including that he was on imdb.com, not a particularly impressive feat, but a feat none the less. However, what immediately undermined his minor achievement was that his sole credit was for being a Paparazzi, in the Spiceworld movie....

I'll let that sink in...

It was so embarrassing, that I believed him, why would you lie about that? That said... why would you tell a soul you were involved in the Spiceworld movie? He said it was shot in Dublin rather then in the UK, and shot exclusively in the wide with look-alikes, which may well be true... albeit slightly odd and not exactly cost effective? Ultimately I looked at this peculiar man and thought to myself that he just wanted acknowledgement, acceptance, and probably a chance to do something of merit.

I recall at one stage casually jesting that the large puffs of material on my Tudor costume were synonymous with Rank, as I puffed them larger I told him I was making myself more important, a feeble joke, but not to him....

He burst out laughing, very loudly on what was to be a quiet set (200 extras) who chatted quietly between takes, this man was laughing loudly all the way though this one though.... "Your a Laugh Luke" he'd tell me as he'd grit his teeth and stare, I'd smile back and die a little bit more inside...

It was at that point he started to tell me about his plans to make his 2nd short film (I kept my experience in film on the down low) he was to shoot in America, utilizing various contacts he'd made over the years (presumably as an extra). The short was to be a Romance, and a sequel to his last film which he made 3 years ago, though it was to be totally recast with Americans doing Irish accents. He was also to write direct and star in it (not knocking since I do the same) but it was when he told me he wanted to shoot on a PD150 based on the top advice of working professionals that I realized this man didn't know what was going on.

A PD150 camera, for those who aren't in the know are the cameras we've just replaced in my college with HDV cameras, I believe the PD150 was the successor to the VX1000 the first miniDV camera ever... the PD150 is a solid camera, its just that its 7 years old now, even if he got one, it would be a very very old camera. I then told him I had a HDV FX1 camera, currently 1 year old and that it was in-fact 6 times the video resolution of a regular DV PD150, he disputed this, and then told me that it was impossible to edit HDV, something that I've been curiously unaware as I edited over 10 projects in HDV during the last year. I told him a few things about HDV, including that it was compressed in comparison to a 100,000 euro professional HD-CAM camera such as the ones in use for Tudors. He disputed this also, understandably my eyebrows were raised and my opinions were lowered.

He told me, for his short, he was hoping for a budget between 10,000 and 100,000 euro.... which was a tad ambitious I thought. I'm nearly finished my first 75min feature, which has a budget of approximately 300 euro. He wanted 10 runners (institutionalized delivery-people, assistants and handymen) who would also double up as the production designer (pretty important) and make up artists. Thats like having the company vice-president also deliver pizzas for Mizzoni's. He told me how he planned to pitch his project to all the big shot studios in hollywood, and how even if they didn't choose to make his film he'd have them on hidden spy botton camera - which he planned to buy there, and then either hold them to ransom or make a film using the footage, I told him this was very very illegal unless he got written permissions from each and all of them, aparently reality left a bitter taste in Ricardo's mouth. He'd shown his previous film around Film-base (the equipment rental house in town) and acording tto his sources they were very impressed....

I was not, however.

He then proceeded during the course of our 15 hour long day, to constantly point out what he knew about the film set. Pointing out, where the cameras where at all times, these cameras happened to be 3 foot long HD cameras with at-least 3 crew manning them at all times, so it was hard to miss them, but at-least he was pointing at real cameras, unlike pointing out his fictional notoriety and film experience. He then told me about how Kubrick did 100 takes minamum on every shot of every film he ever made.

I told him how that could not be finacially viable and that it was probably more like 20-40 max on perticular takes and more like the reasonable usual amounts for simple shots.

"You're a laugh" I was told once again, oh how he'd love to say it...

As I said, at first I was being nice to him, but things changed after I got some whiff of this mans nutter-like personality. Myself and several of the other extras found this guy quite odd, to say the least. We started to quiz him about his experience. Apparently he appeared in the Republic of Loose video. You remember? the one that was shot on the Dublin Keys, No? The video that was advertised on posters and spread through word of mouth? The video that any and all who turned up would be featured in the crowds?

Well he was in that...

I bet he was, and when he's rich and famous, I'll feel really bad about writing this piece about Ricardo the extra, but until that day, I'm just glad to have gotten away with my spinal column still attached.

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