Warning Something might be Imminent

Luke Leslie Winter 2006

Crash may have won the oscar - but another one is just around the corner. Dispite recent arguments in the forum which have lead the majority of onlookers at this establishment to the conclusion that I'm mind-numbingly arrogant and utterly Fucktarted, you can't deny that when it comes to techie geeky shit I know what I'm talking about. So heed this warning and read with caution as the words I'm writing through my fingers and up onto the screen may offend your brian.

While scouring the html database at Cyberdyme systems I came across a horrid memento of factoids. Every few months I do a kind of internet safari, I put on my cyber gauntlets, an oversized trucker helmet and stock up on about 5 days worth of micro chips and literally surf the web using a kind of make-shift internet surfboard which is hardwired to my speakers. I do so without interruption for as long as I can go - usually about 20 mins - You may be asking why do give up my spare time which I could be using like the rest of the internet savvy generation? I could be laughing my ass off at hilarious flash-boxes, reading, re-reading and rating comments on myspace or maybe even playing virtual poker or pool.

I give up my time because I'm looking for what we in the industry call "Gaps in the System". Manzy, Mullane, Graham, Alex Glenn Murray, and I are all part of what's known as the Guild of Vulcanardum- AKA the Hackers Alliance of Guam AKA Nerdlings Anonymous - and it's our solum duty to patrol the corridors of cyberspace and report back to Berlin Board of Fritzcheken (Poultry, and Cyber crime) on a Annual Basis.

The Shock that blew me off my computer yesterday will very likely have a similar effect on you today - so buckle you net-belts and make sure your 5 Rom Drive is set to super speed or you may be about to be Quadro-spazzed on a life glug. Rumor has it - that the internet is nearly full. This one comes all the way from the top, and there's no stopping it. Yes - you heard me. It seems that sites such as Bebo, Myspace and the (over-ratted and utterly useless) Google - seem to have bunged up the cyber system with sick and now the Entire Right-handed wanking community is about to be slapped up sharp and regress back to what life was like before Dot-Com. So... where does that leave you?

Well - quite literally with your pants down. Bill Gates was quoted yesterday with this statement. He was as you'd imagine him smoking, his tie was loose, collar undone - sitting in at small desk in a busy office surrounded by 3 cubicle walls. He's your average net-jockey when it comes down to it.

"I... I just don't get it - it was fine yesterday, I didn't do anything - Hold on a sec (puts his hand on the reciever of his mobile phone and leans round the corner) What the FUCK's Happening Balmer? (turning away in frustration shaking a pile of Apple branded user manuels) Damn you Steve, Damn You!"

I didn't know what he was talking about either - but if Bills Panicking you should too. It's going to be like Y2K times a million - so that means like lot's of parties right? Yes if your talking about Feces parties - because mankind is about to experience Ice Age 2 - the Meltdown - much akin the Ice Age 1 circa 1929 location Wall-street. You all know what happened that time don't you? The internet literally overflowed with data - which lead to Aids, WW2, the invention of Emo Music the Fish Lady in Dun Laoghaire and many other things too horrid to mention.

Don't Belive me? Just look at this Graph I made - (I added in a happy face at the top right and an upset face at the bottom right for those of you who can't read) The data is inpisputable - the internet is running out of space.

So it's time to curb your Browsing time people. We don't have much time left - I suggest first and foremost that you should not go on Bebo - that might hold back the devastation enough to save an area of the Internet the size of Luxembourg, after-that, the balls in your court. But remember "Judgement day can't be stopped - Only Delayed" - I wise man/machine once said that - and he's governor of California now so you know he's onto something. The internet Overflow is expected to start in the next week or so - failing that perhaps next year. It all depends on you - and whether of not you choose to use the internet for good - or evil

Blow up the Graph

online since Jan 06

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